You have heard that it was said, “Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.” (Matthew 5:38-42).

When we read Jesus’ words like the ones above, it is easy to think in our minds: “Is Jesus serious? Even if he is talking about avoiding vengeance, this is still hard to swallow. What about terrorists? What about the guy next door who has it out for me? What about cases of abuse, bitter divorce situations, betrayal by a friend or a spouse ... also racial or political injustices? Globally, what about cases such as the Israeli/Palestine situation, Northern Ireland, Yugoslavia, and Rwanda? In these extreme situations or in our everyday family, work or social life we can be deeply wounded or hurt by others or circumstances.”

Human logic says don’t forgive and cries out for justice--“they betrayed me, hurt me, rejected me, wronged me--they in justice need to pay for that.” Does Jesus really expect me to turn the other cheek to insults and injuries? Doesn’t he know how difficult it can be to say, "I forgive you"?

Let’s face it. This is a hard teaching. But it’s not one that we can ignore. After all, Jesus didn’t avoid it. Without ever looking like a wimp, he showed that radical forgiveness is possible. Furthermore, he marked out the way to attain it--by loving. Love kept him going through all the hardships involved in announcing the kingdom. Love made it possible for him to forgive, even as he hung on the cross. This forgiveness cancelled the debt of sin that none of us were capable of repaying. And if we decide to accept this hard teaching, the love of Jesus at work in us will help us put it into practice too.

Forgiveness, a Christian Way of Life. The Christian life is founded on forgiveness freely given to an undeserving people--that's all of us. To put it simply, forgiveness is an enormous gift that none of us deserved. Forgiveness is one of the most fundamental aspects of life in his kingdom. And mercy is the constitution and charter of that kingdom. None of us can experience its blessings without sharing with one another the forgiveness so freely given to us. In fact, Jesus said that if we want to know the peace and joy of his kingdom, then we must forgive, and forgive often.

Every day we face sins and temptations that would seek to prevent us from giving and receiving the love and forgiveness that are so vital. And experience tells us how easy it can be to give in to these temptations--and hurt the ones we love in the process. This is why Jesus' teaching on forgiving one another, as hard as it may be, is so important. Forgiveness tempers justice with mercy. It frees us from bitterness and ill will and opens us up to sharing the love we all know we crave. Forgiving someone who has wronged us is like canceling a debt. It costs something initially, but the long-term benefits are priceless: reconciliation, peace, unity, and a love that has been tested by fire.

Jesus' words about forgiveness aren't just theoretical. Have you ever noticed that when the thought of someone who has wronged you--and whom you haven't forgiven--comes up, you experience physical changes? Your heart beats a little faster. Your breathing becomes more rapid. Your body becomes tense, and your face droops a bit. Now, think about what happens in your mind. You might rehearse the wrong done against you--over and over. You might recount the reasons why this person doesn't deserve mercy. You might even begin to think negatively of that person's friends and family.

Now try to imagine what happens on the spiritual level. Think about how much harder it is to trust in God's love. Think about how much more difficult it is to know the peace of Christ or to feel the movements of the Holy Spirit. All because of unforgiveness.

There is real power in the words “I forgive”. No matter how difficult it is to say them. Are you bound by anger, resentment? Do you have others bound by your unforgiveness? The desire of God’s heart is to bring you full healing, peace, and restoration – to accepting forgiveness for yourselves and to forgive others. We can do so not controlled by human logic but by the logic of God’s love poured into us by the Holy Spirit.

I once heard a wise pastor say, “Justice is good, but mercy is better.” James 2:13 expresses it this way, “Mercy triumphs over justice!” God is “just” so his justice had to be fulfilled for the whole human race. How was the justice fulfilled? Jesus did this by taking onto himself the punishment for our sins. So that justice could be done, he died in our place. God, by the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus has given us a gift that we don’t deserve--forgiveness. Out of gratefulness to God for this gift, can we not do the same to others? Take this step now and you will experience a breakthrough in your life.

Lord Jesus, I believe that you are the mercy of God. By your Spirit, teach me to walk in your mercy so that I will know your freedom. Lord, help me to forgive. May all who have hurt me or caused me grief know the power and freedom of your mercy, love, and forgiveness.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion

1. Why do you feel that we as men tend toward “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” and revenge, when we have been wronged? How can we overcome these instincts and inclinations when “Human logic says don’t forgive and cries out for justice”?

2. Explain what is meant by “forgiveness is an enormous gift that none of us deserved.” Why is it important to understand this, if we are to give this same gift of forgiveness to others?

3. In what ways does unforgiveness have negative impacts on our physical and spiritual health and on those we have not forgiven? In what ways does forgiveness free us, and those we have forgiven, from these negative affects?

4. Why is Jesus the “model of a man of forgiveness”? How did his words and actions demonstrate his loyalty to his heavenly Father?

5. I f it has been some time since you experienced Jesus’ forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, try to avail yourself of this healing sacrament as soon as possible. Share the impact of receiving this sacrament at your next men’s group meeting.

Note: The following articles and features also appeared in the Catholic Men's E-Zine forSeptember-October 2002. Click here to register on the National Resource Center for Catholic Men website to receive free access to them all.

Section 1:Being a Man of Forgiveness

• A Testimonial: The Grace and Fruits of Forgiveness
  
• From the Scriptures: What Do the Scriptures Say About Forgiveness and Unforgiveness?
  
• St. Francis of Assisi: A Man of Forgiveness
• A Daily Plan for Becoming a Man of Forgiveness

Section 2: Special Features

• Men’s Group Tip: The Importance of Having a Men’s Group Facilitator
• Children’s Parable: The Butterfly and the Cocoon (Read this to your kids or grandkids)
  
• Humor: The Deep Hole and Bible Trivia With a Smile

Section 3: Sunday Mass Readings and Meditations for September-October 2002 (with Discussion Questions for Men)