All Life Is Sacred
Learning to Forgive My Brother’s Killer
by Mary Anne Henke
Twenty years ago, my brother was murdered in New York. At the time, I was living in California with my husband and two young daughters, and we were joyfully anticipating the birth of our third child. Then, on a sunny Friday afternoon in September of 1975, my husband had the grim task of telling me that Andrew had been shot through the head and killed. Words cannot fully express what I felt--denial, uncontrollable weeping, a sense that part of me had died, a sense of being enveloped by darkness.
Andrew’s death was like an instant blinding light from within. I experienced a “split-second” glimpse into the heart of Jesus. I understood, perhaps for the first time, that people are far more precious than any possession, power, or prestige that this world holds dear. The gift of life is sacred and of infinite value. Andy’s absence made me realize that people are the crown of God’s creation.
A Conflict in My Conscience That very day, I went into labor and gave birth to our son. The emotional pendulum swung from the agony of death to the ecstasy of birth. After two more years in California, we moved back to New Jersey, and our fourth child, a daughter, was born. During this time, I watched my emotions change from anger to bitterness, then to rage, and finally to a desire for revenge. I kept reminding myself about my previous insight that life is precious and infinite and that people are to be valued over possessions. Of course I knew Andrew’s life was precious, but did his killer deserve the same consideration? He took a life and he deserved to forfeit his. He deserved to die.
The conflict in my conscience bothered me. Our local parish had an appeal for CCD teachers, and I decided to volunteer. One of our teacher-education programs was to study in depth the American Bishops’ Pastoral Letter on Peace entitled, The Challenge of Peace: God’s Promise and Our Response. We heatedly discussed nuclear war, social justice, and capital punishment. I remember getting so angry at another participant that I asked, “Did you ever have a family member senselessly murdered in cold blood? Let the police catch this killer and strap him into the electric chair. I’ll pull the lever!” Yet, through all my anger and rage, I kept hearing a haunting voice: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.”
I was very diligent and committed to CCD. I researched the scriptures and drew up detailed lesson plans. Little did I know that at the same time our great Healer-God was softening my heart. Scripture study, a personal prayer life, and the Eucharist became a daily part of my life. What I kept hearing on a “heart-level” was the recurrent theme of forgiveness. Jesus taught about it in the Sermon on the Mount. He prayed it in the “Our Father.” He told Peter, in no uncertain terms, to forgive seventy times seven times. And he lived it par excellence. As he hung on the cross, Jesus manifested his limitless love by forgiving and interceding on our behalf. He didn’t succumb to hatred and revenge, but practiced what he preached. Herein lies the “triumph of the cross.”
“Am I a Hypocrite?” In the early- to mid-1980s, my spiritual conversion intensified as I was drawn into the Catholic Charismatic Renewal. I attended the Life in the Spirit seminar and was prayed over for the release of the Holy Spirit so that I could personally experience the grace of Pentecost. The Holy Spirit, who was indwelling since my infant baptism, burst forth to give me the courage to proclaim beyond a shadow of a doubt that “Jesus is Lord!” I knew that the challenge now was that my thoughts, words, and actions must all flow from this faith-statement.
The time had finally come for me to to ask myself the question, “Am I truly a disciple of Jesus, or am I a hypocrite? How can I be an advocate of capital punishment after identifying so closely with Jesus and his teachings?” I knew that it went completely against my Christian conscience. Jesus gave us a new commandment, a new covenant sealed with his own blood, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Am I just giving lip-service to my faith in Jesus?
With the help of the Holy Spirit, a wise spiritual director, and much prayer, I came to the point where I could iseparate the sin from the sinner, the action from the person. The sin of murder is to be condemned, but the sinner is to be loved and forgiven. It is illogical to say that murder is wrong and then utilize the death penalty.
People will argue against capital punishment and say that there’s always the possibility of executing an innocent person. Others will argue that the poor and uneducated are disproportionately executed compared to those from the privileged classes. Both arguments may be true, but neither one is my primary reason for opposition to the death penalty. Innocent or guilty, rich or poor, all life is sacred because God is the author of life and Jesus calls us to forgive.
The Power To Forgive How can we carry out Jesus’ mandate to forgive totally as he did? I can tell you from my own experience that, strictly speaking, it is impossible on a human level. It is only through God’s grace and through the indwelling Holy Spirit that we can function as God functions. God is a God of love and forgiveness, mercy and compassion.
I have forgiven my brother’s killer from my heart and have prayed for his salvation. Someday in eternity, it is my deep desire to hear the “voice” that haunted me so long ago say, “Come and join your risen brother Andrew.” With great joy, I’ll embrace him. But it will also give me great joy to embrace his killer as a brother and forgive him face to face.
I have arrived at the point where I can actually thank God for Andy’s death. He was like the grain of wheat that died in order to produce an abundant harvest. I have told this story to others and I can tell by the expressions on their faces that they are thinking, “She must be crazy!” My consolation is that Jesus’ family thought he was crazy too. But he was vindicated in the end, and by my baptism I share in his victory.
I wrote this story for a few reasons: First and foremost, to give glory to God. Secondly, to honor my brother’s memory and to say that his life was notn vain. His death proved to be a turning-point in my life. Thirdly, in the hope that some part of my story would help another person enter more deeply into a loving relationship with God. Finally, every time I review my story, I experience deeper inner healing and it sets my spirit free. All praise to Jesus, the Healer of my soul, my God and my all, my strength and my joy.
Mary Ann Henke writes from Ridgewood, New Jersey.
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